What to do....

Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

Moderators: Atsie, caleighbelle47

What to do....

Postby jwinning221 » Oct 23, 2009 6:57 pm

So, my SIL told me the other day that she would be willing to be a surrogate for us if we choose to go that route. I am having labwork done in 10 days to determine if I have underlying factors for my back to back losses.

I so badly want to beat HG and carry a healthy baby to term, I know I can do it. On the other hand, it's really only the end result that matters. I wonder if I am being selfish by wanting to do this on my own. Selfish in the impact that it has on DH, my parents, brother, my employer, etc.

Anyone have thoughts on this?
Jenn

2 Severe HG pgs and three beautiful angels.

"Don't tell me that I won't, I can. Don't tell me that I'm not, I am. Don't tell me that my master plan ain't comin' true. Don't tell me that I won't, I will. Don't tell me how to think and feel. Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real, what I can do" --Joss Stone "Free Me"
jwinning221
Devoted to You
 
Posts: 1246
Joined: Apr 10, 2007 6:00 pm
Location: Akron, Ohio

Postby teddysmom » Oct 23, 2009 8:37 pm

Well....personally, I would LOVE to have a relative as a surrogate...No HG!!

I understand wanting to carry a child to term for several reasons....1) it truly is YOUR experience and 2) it feels like something you want to do because you were defeated with the last experience of pregnancy.

If the outcome is the same, meaning you could use your eggs and your DH's sperm, then the outcome is basically the same....and you don't have to suffer with HG.
Love where you are, love the one you're with and love what you do.
teddysmom
Opinionated HGer
 
Posts: 514
Joined: Jun 01, 2008 2:40 pm

Postby jwinning221 » Oct 23, 2009 9:14 pm

It's not the HG I am trying to avoid, but the unknown end result. I can handle the PICCs, fluids IV drugs and many hospitalizations if I knew the end result was a good one, that I would bring my baby home. HG is not the big tourture in my past experiences....

I'm just not sure we can afford the upfront costs that suroggacy would bring. Since Im an RN at a hospital, most of my medical care and all hospitalizations are covered for under my benfit plan. Surrogacy is not. So I would have my SIL's medical bills from start to finish, and all the legal fees. I know that is much cheaper than using a agency to find a surrogate, but still seems overwhelming.

Just curious if anyone else has been through the process of surrogacy with family.
Jenn

2 Severe HG pgs and three beautiful angels.

"Don't tell me that I won't, I can. Don't tell me that I'm not, I am. Don't tell me that my master plan ain't comin' true. Don't tell me that I won't, I will. Don't tell me how to think and feel. Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real, what I can do" --Joss Stone "Free Me"
jwinning221
Devoted to You
 
Posts: 1246
Joined: Apr 10, 2007 6:00 pm
Location: Akron, Ohio

Postby Kate » Nov 08, 2009 4:14 pm

Jenn,

My SIL offered to be a surro for us. And if it wasn't so darn complicated and expensive. Where we are now IUI and IVF is covered but not surro. The legal fees alone are quite a lot. And then navigating your specific states laws on surro. It just seems so overwhelming. See what the rmc labs say then think about what next... perhaps the lovenox would make all the difference
<3 Kate <3
Image

Image

Image

Twin angels Sept 08, Angel Feb 09, Angel July 09,
Angel August 09, Angel Feb 2010,Angel April 2010
Angel June 2010
Kate
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 3197
Joined: Sep 28, 2006 6:45 am
Location: Centreville, VA

Postby jwinning221 » Nov 08, 2009 4:44 pm

Yeah, I plan on doing that. We will have a better answer once the results are in. Too bad I didn't know a good lawyer who would work pro bono!

SIL had to have laparoscopic surgery last week for a ruptured ovarian cyst that caused an infection that antibiotics weren't doing much for. Turns out that the ovary and tube were so inflammed that they had to remove them on the right side. The other side looked perfectly normal. Now I can't possibly broach the subject again, at least not right now.
Jenn

2 Severe HG pgs and three beautiful angels.

"Don't tell me that I won't, I can. Don't tell me that I'm not, I am. Don't tell me that my master plan ain't comin' true. Don't tell me that I won't, I will. Don't tell me how to think and feel. Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real, what I can do" --Joss Stone "Free Me"
jwinning221
Devoted to You
 
Posts: 1246
Joined: Apr 10, 2007 6:00 pm
Location: Akron, Ohio

Postby jwinning221 » Jun 09, 2010 3:55 pm

So DH and I talked it over, and he really is not comfortable with his sister being our surrogate, as well as surrogacy in general. While I am disappointed, I have to see his perspective on things.

So, we have decided to go throught the process of adoption now. I so badly want to be a mother to a living, breathing child. I have another year and half of grad school left, and there is no way I am willing to put that on hold again right now. If the adoption process has not been finalized by the time I am through with school, then we will revisit the topic of us trying again on our own. We are looking into an agency within our state that does nothing but newborn adoptions. This may seem selfish to some, but I feel like I have already been robbed of the pregnancy experience, I want to at least be there for every milestone from birth forward.
Jenn

2 Severe HG pgs and three beautiful angels.

"Don't tell me that I won't, I can. Don't tell me that I'm not, I am. Don't tell me that my master plan ain't comin' true. Don't tell me that I won't, I will. Don't tell me how to think and feel. Don't tell me 'cause I know what's real, what I can do" --Joss Stone "Free Me"
jwinning221
Devoted to You
 
Posts: 1246
Joined: Apr 10, 2007 6:00 pm
Location: Akron, Ohio


Return to Adoption & Surrogacy

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests