Failed Adoption - Reliving it at Holidays

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Failed Adoption - Reliving it at Holidays

Postby HdGAMom2B » Jul 05, 2004 8:05 am

4th of July - Freedome for our country.. Aparantly I am not free from having to explain our failed adoption. I understand completely, this is the first holiday without the cihld we had to give back to her birthmom. It is so painful. Still. It's only been since May 11th, and we're already TTC.

Someone, dear to us, basically a family member, said, "Hey, where's your baby?" I said, 'can you clarify? Are you asking about Claire? She's wit her birthmom.' I think he thought that we'd allowed her to spend the holiday with her birthmom, so he just said, OOoh. I then knew he didn't get it, so I explained that she took her back aftera week, and we're all just devastated. Parents chimed in that we all love and miss her, and that they're all hurting over it, and everyone fell silent.

I told him that the only way to know something, is to ask and find out. He felt badly that he'd brought it up, but it's a sadness, and sadness can't be bottled up forever. We are willing to talk about it, because others might not know in the family, or may know, but not know how to deal with it, afraid to bring it up... etc... After that, I realized that people weren't talking about it, and I wondered if they looked at us with sadness, or might have had side conversations with Grandma, who seems to get those on holidays. Side conversations, where she explains how we're doing, and just tells them, so we don't have to, kind of thing.

We had a wonderful day, with the parade, and BBQ, and I played with the 6 yr old cousin I just love so much! Again, I wished I had my own child there, but God gave us cousins to kiss and hug, so I did, all day long. I just wish we didn't have to tell people our story all the time. SOO Many people in our lives STILL might not know, I can't know that until they come up to me, around town, and ask where my little bundle of joy is... and I get somber, and have to explain it... on a good day, out with huyyb, I have to explain it. ANd relive it. Even on hoidays.

Lord, let us get pregnant, because right now, I don't want to have any more stories of giving a child back. (Can you imagine, some have suggested foster care? Like we wanna be in the business of giving them back! UGH!) One was difficult enough. And when we DO adopt, You know what circumstances we need. Lord, just keep that in mind.

Baby Girl Claire, you are 2 months old tomorrow, I love you. I miss you. I'll never forget your sweet face, your big honkin' kissable feet, and the sweet smell of your little neck.

Christy
*We're pregnant!! 30 wks -due March 24th, 2005
*Failed adoption after 6 wonderful days (baby Claire Delaney, b. 5/6/04)
*'Therapeutic Termination' at 11 wks. due to mistreated HG in first pg, term. 6/15/99
HdGAMom2B
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Postby MamaLily » Jul 06, 2004 2:12 pm

Christy -

That must be so hard to keeping explaining that you no longer have the baby you dreamed about and loved - and then had to give back. It must be hard enough just thinking about it yourself, but then when others bring up the subject, I'm sure it makes it all fresh again.

Reading your post just made my heart ache for you and your husband in giving back little Claire.

I'm really hoping that you conceive soon. I'll be thinking about you...

- Anna
"The little reed, bending to the force of the wind, soon stood upright again when the storm had passed over." - Aesop
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Postby Ivydragon » Jul 09, 2004 3:38 pm

:shock:

People are really suggesting that you foster to adopt?!? I would never wish that on anyone, and we were lucky enough to KEEP the one we fostered. They must really have no clue what it's like to hold a child in your arms and loose it. It's hard enough to miscarry.

I am so sorry that this has to taint your holidays and enjoyable times ~ because it's those times that help me forget the sadness I've known.

I hope that you're able to ttc soon.

Huge hugs, Andy
Mom to Aaron 14 (HG), Anna 11 (HG), Adam 8 (adopted), Andrew 8 (adopted), fostering a newborn . . .
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Postby HdGAMom2B » Jul 09, 2004 5:15 pm

Thank you so much my friends. It is so nice to be understood here. For my HG, and for the adoption issue. I am SO home here!

We are trying to conceive, and I will take a test on the 14th. I can't assume that the first month we try it works, but that would be nice! We are hoping that we either get pg, and then adopt, or adopt, then get pregnant. I truly don't want to do both at the same time. I have a few friends that have experienced that, and I just think, wooh. Large responsibility. I know it's up to God, so I'm telling him what I think I can handle, and hopefully we'll get the 'ol one at a time deal.

I"ve been writing in a journal for the past couple months, and hope to look back on this hourney, and see some growth through it. I want to be more at peace wiht life in general, and let go of some of my anxieties about being a mother. I do not want to get a let down once I am, because of all the stress that it took to GET there. I want to be whole, before, during, and after,.... I think that's possible, it will just take work.

I have God on my side, so that's the armor in my battle.

Trying, Praying, and Waiting.
Christy
*We're pregnant!! 30 wks -due March 24th, 2005
*Failed adoption after 6 wonderful days (baby Claire Delaney, b. 5/6/04)
*'Therapeutic Termination' at 11 wks. due to mistreated HG in first pg, term. 6/15/99
HdGAMom2B
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Posts: 95
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Location: Maryland


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