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Share your questions about and experiences with adoption or surrogacy pregnancy alternatives.

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Postby Wild Spirit » Sep 02, 2008 6:37 am

Thank you, and, yes I'm sure that is what we'll say. I guess my problem with that is that it isn't really the truth. Keeping the baby wasn't a option for her. And she tried to get him back and we had to call the police and have her removed. Soooo, it doesn't feel right to say that she did the most loving and kindest thing by giving him a better life.
However, I do realize the importance of him not feeling like he comes from "Bad blood" so to speak, so I will come up with something kind.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
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Postby carybear » Feb 17, 2009 4:24 pm

In reading this thread I began to think about my own adoption path. We adopted my oldest when she was 5. We joke that since she came to live with us 9 months after we got married that she was our "honemoon 5 yr old" she loves that joke.

She knew full well that her mother was giving her up to us. She knew who her mother was/is. I choose to tell her, when she asks me, that her bio mom just couldn't do it. She loves her very much and wanted a better life for her. That doesn't mean we havent had our issues with bio mom...oh the stories I could share... But just because you had to fight with the bio mom doesn't mean you can't say positive things about her without them being a lie. Yeah she had to give him up but she did it anyway. Yeah you had to call the cops, but she loves her baby. Deep down she knows this is the best for him. Put as many positive spins on it as you can. and when he's older and he's asking the harder questions tell him. Don't keep it from him that will only cause more hurt. always, always tell him how much you love him, and how she did too. all the bad in the world isn't that bad when you KNOW you are loved.
Luvs to all,
CaryAnn
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Postby Wild Spirit » Feb 18, 2009 5:16 am

It's mush easier to say kind things once the fresh open wounds have has time to heal. Although the bio mother still contacts my family, I don't personally have to deal with her, now that all the legal stuff is final.
My boy will be turning 1 in March, and I don't struggle with "what to say" much any more. He is so loved by everyone who knows him, and when the time comes that we start to talk about those things, it will be o.K.
Danielle HG 1988
Jake HG 1991
Zack HG 1994
Abby HG 1998
Angel Ben m/c no HG
Angel Willow m/c no HG
Jade HG 2006
Angel James m/c no HG
Bobby 2008 adoption
Wild Spirit
Welcomed Friend
 
Posts: 73
Joined: May 24, 2005 12:15 pm

Postby carybear » Feb 18, 2009 1:23 pm

OH I know how painful those open wounds can be...thankfully the bio mom and I have grown to be quite close. I still wouldn't choose her as one of my friends but at least we're happy to call eachother family. I'm willing to work as hard as it takes to make a working relationship with bio mom for our daughter's sake, really only for her. and to be honest it took a couple of years for us to get even close to that point. But now the only thing I would change from before was MY attitude. Man was I a brat!

I'm sure you are doing and will continue to do a wonderful job. He is so lucky to have a loving mom like you. Good luck with it all, and if you need to get something off your chest, please feel free to pm me as I'm sure our situations have a lot in common.
Luvs to all,
CaryAnn
carybear
Opinionated HGer
 
Posts: 944
Joined: Apr 21, 2006 12:30 am
Location: calhoun, LA

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