I have just found this website and have been reading some of your stories. I am sitting here in tears and I just felt like I needed to write mine down.
Two weeks ago at our 12 week scan, we were told that our baby had no heartbeat - he/she had died at 11 weeks & 5 days. My husband and I were just devestated. I had to go in and have a D&C last week and now I am just living in limbo, trying to come to the realisation that I am not pregnant anymore.
We have been blessed with three children - for my two sons I had mild morning sickness, but when I fell pregnant the third time - HG hit me at 5 weeks. Like a lot of you, I thought I was going to die - wanted to die some days. Was in and out of hospital, my husband had to leave his job to take care of our boys and I had thoughts of just wanting this pregnancy to end. Luckily for me, I battled through and at our 12 week scan, saw a very healthy baby - my daughter was born 6 months later - perfect!
I had swore that I would never fall pregnant again, but in August my period was late and low and behold the test was positive. I immediately went into a panic, thinking of what was going to be ahead. HG started at 5 weeks. I began to resent this baby, even hated it for making me feel like this. I started taking stematil & zofran to try and stop the vomiting, but at our 12 week scan - our baby had died.
I cannot describe the pain that I feel inside. I feel like I did this to my baby - because secretly I wanted her to die, to get out of me, so that I could feel better. I find myself aching to feel HG again, just so I can have her back. I am barely speaking to my husband, as I feel like such a failure and its all my fault that the baby died.
I know in my head that its early days and the feelings will eventually pass, but at the moment it just feels like I went through 7 weeks of hell and have nothing.