Not sure where to vent so I picked here. long....sorry

[Barbnj]

I am one of 4 girls. Only one of us middle sister had 2 children. She was 27
with her first had signs now from what I can see of mild hg. Then at 30
she had her son. She had mod to severe hg for 6 months. She was still able
to function where I was bedridden and not able.

My niece and nephew had 3 aunts to spoil them rotten. I use to take my niece
J with me to college. I loved every second of it. We never missed one bday
play, graduation ect. Now she is 27 dating a much older man. When I had
my loss not even a call or card was received. In general conversations at
holidays she always said she wanted NO CHILDREN. Always the ones that say
they dont want one end up with tons.

Well recently she said we're planning on having just one. It will be a perfect pg
ect. I wanted to scream HG runs in families you better not count yr chickens
before yr eggs. Or however that saying goes.

And the thought of her having a child when Tom & I couldnt will kill me.
She isnt even preg yet and Im feeling sorry for myself. I dread the day.
I know this is selfish.

She never calls unless a favor is requested. I work for a major airline and of
course the calls came when she needed my passes in the past I obliged
but now I say absolutely no bc she only uses me.
She sends all sorts of cards to her beloved boyfriend and yet I never receive one not even on my bdays.
These 2 children never wanted for nothing. All of Us gave them a fantastic
childhood.
When we were preg in 2007 b4 severe hg hit, I kept saying to Tom we're going
to show them what polite caring children are like with phone calls ect
to cards. It never happened.

So thats my vent. This pain and heartache Im afraid is here to stay.
Why in the heck does it happen at all??


Love You All

Barb

[E-Mom]

I'm sorry.

I know I personally have different expectations for people in their 20's vs. 30's vs. 40's. I'm 37 and truly believe my 40's are going to be my best decade. I have so much more figured out now thanks to therapy and time. Not that there aren't lovely, mature people in their 20's, but it's definitely a time of growth and discovery.

My 20's weren't the best time. I was making decent money, traveled and had lots of fun, but I was also dramatic and had childhood baggage that I didn't realize ran so deep. My 30's began a huge learning curve, especially with marriage and kids, and I'm just getting comfortable in my own skin.

I'm trying to say delicately that your neice isn't at the place yet where she thinks of others as much as herself, so probably didn't realize how painful your losses were to you and how much you would have appreciated her support. If she experiences that, I think she would have a new understanding of that kind of pain. I thought boyfriend breakups were hard in my 20's,...but crickey! I hadn't had a miscarriage or HG yet! Those are some problems that make you grow. Then, you meet friends with fertility issues, trisomy 18 babies, multiple miscarriages, or accidental losses, and your world of sympathy and perspective grows exponentially.

Your friends here understand. I think it's hard for all of us to see easy conceptions and dreamy pregnancies. Even if it happens to people we love. It's a bittersweet feeling we share here, but harder to share with others.

[Barbnj]

Thanks Steph. But for my neice I explained to her how hurt I was
it blew straight over her head subject closed onto the next subject.
I agree yr 20's is a hugh learning curve but what ever happened to
social graces??

I appreciate yr support that is why I come here to all my friends
and not to my sister bc she will defend her cubs to the death
even if their at fault.

How I wish I could turn that clock back about 15 yrs. Life would be
so much different.

xxoo

[Caitlin's mom]

HUGS, I'm sorry. I wish you were my aunt.

[Barbnj]

Thank You so much for yr kind words. They mean the world to me.


Barb

[Shyonelisa]

You niece may very well just be a bit selfish. I have an almost reverse situation. When my aunt had her son several years back I went down south during my summer vacation (I was in 9th grade I think) to help with babysitting since she couldn't afford daycare.

This same woman came to visit a few weeks ago, and she never even offered to come see me, even though everyone told her how badly I am suffering. I ended up in the hospital, and she called me the day after she returned home and said "I wish I could come see you."

In my experience, I'd much rather be ignored than given phony conversation. I was totally over the fact that she didn't come see me, but when she called with that bs line, it really hurt. Sometimes we just have to come to terms with the fact that people we love can be rude and obnoxious. I'm sorry you have been hurt, and maybe once she gets pregnant she will understand how you feel.

[Barbnj]

How I feel is that once you leave dents and bruises it kind of paves
the way on how the future goes. For ex. my parents were never
the huggy kissy type of grandparents to her or her brother.
My parents never missed a bday,school play or holidays since their
born.
When my mother was ill and dying I was stunned to see them both
show at the door. However they were going to the beach and passed
our neighborhood and decided to pop in.
So there had to be a reason in order for them to make the trip.

I dont know I wasnt raised that way period. I think she has laid the foundation
already on how I am going to feel about her married life and children when the
time comes. Too hurtful to forget. So much time given.
I resent her behavior.


Barb

[jarezuny]

I don't blame you. That kind of behaviour is very hurtful no matter what her motivations (or lack of) might be.

I think it's up to you to decide how much of her you want in your life right now. If she continues to just cause you hurt and pain, well, maybe it's best to just to leave her be.

You are such a kind, considerate, and caring woman. You deserve to be treated the same - I hope you are able to find more people like yourself in life.

((hugs))