Talking abotu it helps......right?

[Miss Kins]

How can a human being watch another one suffer so badly, at such a critical time in life, and do nothing? It's too much for me to comprehend, it's cold and cruel. And if being made to feel like your a melodramatic fusspot wasn't enough, the insults are ripe and unashamedly ignorant.

I, like many other, experienced HG. Experienced the heartbreaking choice; your life or your baby's. A choice that I don't believe anyone can ever find peace in, especially because there was always an opportunity to prevent tragedy in these cases.

why this incessant need for medical professionals to claim it does not exist? they must be men, or woman who have sailed though pregnancy or felt the odd bit of nausea They can't be like us, they can't of ever lived to fear for their own lives in a situation which is supposed to be so beautiful.

It's like a nightmare descending, your screaming back without a voice ' but this isn't how it should be surely, this isn't right' and the pat on the knee, the condescending 'it's just a little bit of morning sickness silly girl' is all that greets your pain.


I'm 29 this weekend & I'd be giving birth next month if it wasn't for HG and no help. I was 10 weeks when I visited a consultant and begged them to help me for the 4th time. I didn't beg for an abortion I begged for help. I was offered abortion or cyclazine (the same drug I had been taking for the last 6 weeks) - devastating.

To wake up on the then redundant operating table, laying in pools of your own blood and that of your unborn child's is more than I could then and can still comprehend. The emptiness is deafening, the feeling of failure overwhelming. And not a kind word in sight from the people responsible for prevention, treatment and care.

How does one even begin to see the light? How do you repair yourself? I feel covered raw exposed infected skin all over whenever pregnancy or anything related enters my world. I feel like I've been struck dumb.

There was an article in the paper this morning, the London free paper called the Metro. The article focused on a woman in her early 30's who has a 5 year old girl to care for whilst she was pregnant (with HG). Doctors were adamant she was 'hamming it up'. 9 weeks into the pregnancy, fearing her elder daughter was suffering as she wasn't even able to gather the strength to feed her some days, and fearing for her life, she asked for an abortion. This made the news, I have to assume because we are under this great disillusion that this doesn't happen to you and me. But it does. And we're slapped i the face with a refusal to even acknowledge it's existence.

I fear that I will never have a child because I will never be taken seriously. Really? Is begging, denial, refusal of any hep bar the 'cyclazine' and 'rest' the only hope? If it is, it seems masochistic to even attempt to try for a baby...ever : (

[E-Mom]

I'm so sorry for your losses. HG was the worst experience of my life and people who judge my HG friends infuriate me.

There is not one post in the Loss, Grief & Recovery section here that does not include physical and emotional devastation. Not one post includes a sentiment along the lines of making an easy decision, feeling better, and that's that. The women have been tortured by this terrible condition and are haunted by the outcomes.

During HG, while you are nauseous, vomiting, dehydrated, depressed, weak, scared, blind-sided, and so close to death yourself, making it through 5 more minutes is tortuous.

I truly believe that if the judging people experienced HG, they wouldn't make those comments. I dismiss their opinions and criticisms as people who are uneducated and undereducated, but spew hatred judging ideas anyway. I do not take them seriously.

You know how devastating this experience was for you. We know and we understand. Surround yourself with people who have compassion and will support you. I know I do.

[samarpana]

Oh how I understand your experience. I couldn't keep down even 2 sips of water and began to lose my mind from the dehydration, not to mention what the malnutrition was doing to me on all levels. My situation was different. I'm certain I could have found a doctor here in the U.S.A. who takes HG seriously. However, I have no medical insurance and did not qualify for state aid. I just had no way to pay for hospitalizations or in-home care. I was deteriorating so fast, that hospitalization was what I really needed. And I could not care for myself at home either. It was impossible to even crawl a few feet to the bathroom. I had to lay still all day, in one single position, with my head over the side of the bed puking in a trash can and certain I was dying. I needed to eat so badly that every day it took me about 3 or 4 hours to try and force feed myself just 1/4 plate of food, but in the end that didn't stay down either. No one came to my aid. Neither family, nor friends, nor the "social safety net" of the place I live. I was forced to abort. I can't even imagine what would have happened had I tried to continue the pregnancy with no access to expensive medical help.

If you can die, and can't get the treatment that will allow you and your baby to live, there is no other sane choice. Even knowing that, I am still traumatized by the experience and the outcome. It's hard not to beat oneself up about it. And what you say is true: it is very painful to see so many others having beautiful, fluffy pregnancies. It's not fair that it happens. It's not fair that we can't get care. It's not fair that no one knows how to completely cure HG once and for all. If it weren't for HG, I'd be giving birth to twins in October of this year. I too feel your deafening emptiness, and the intense sense of complete failure. I am living it. I keep trying to see the "light" you speak of. And sometimes I do, but not always. I think the answer is patience and determination to keep reaching for and staying in that light. It's not easy to find anything meaningful about the process and devastation of HG. On bad days, I am feeling that my HG was and is the ultimate existential horror. On good days, when I can find and focus on any shred of personal meaning / insight in relation to my experience, then and only then do I feel relief. Try not to lose all hope. Keep looking towards that light until at last it bathes you in its healing rays.

I have found that my friends and family don't want to talk about it or hear about it anymore. They have moved on and have no concept of the enormity of my loss. That is where counseling or forums such as this can help. Maybe this forum is the best place of all. So many have experienced this same thing. Only they understand completely. Compassion lies here. And compassion is what we all crave, need and deserve.

I understand your fear of never having a child because of this. I live with it every day now. I am 37 and time is running short. I never want to experience HG again. So without treatment, this does mean no biological children for me. So I live with the loss of my twins as well as the loss of possibility for any future children of my own. But I do take comfort in the possibility that I could adopt, if I choose to go down that path. Love is love. We can love an adopted child with the same open heartedness and fulfillment of loving and raising our own. Many are in need. So take heart in the reality that your wish for a child could be fulfilled after all.

[sweetpea]

I'm currently going through my 2nd HG pg, and the Lord has blessed me w/ a wonderful OB and great medical care (zofran, phenergen, unisom, nexium, PICC line, D5 lactated ringers). I can't even imagine what it would be like if I didn't receive treatment! It's infuriating for me to even think about it! How dare the medical community make us decide b/w our life or our baby!!! The women from the UK seemed to be very under-treated, if that makes sense. And it's criminal really.

I wanted to say, that I have read the article you mentioned. It has been circulating on the internet. Quite a few women from this site have been posting comments the last couple of days. Although I'm not sure if all of our comments were actually used.

As far as adoption goes, my DH and I do plan to adopt - partially b/c we can't keep going through this.

[misscharliedear]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I wish that people would BELIEVE us when we're pregnant and before we're pregnant. I wish that they didn't look down on us like we're weak and fragile. I've lost 4 babies to HG (see my post from this afternoon called "Pro Choice" for my story) and every day I grieve. I have the HER FOUNDATION logo tattooed on my leg as a constant reminder of those that understand me, those that do not judge me for choosing abortion for fear of death, those that have walked in my shoes. I love goes out to you to help heal your heart, soul and mind.

Charlie