How can a human being watch another one suffer so badly, at such a critical time in life, and do nothing? It's too much for me to comprehend, it's cold and cruel. And if being made to feel like your a melodramatic fusspot wasn't enough, the insults are ripe and unashamedly ignorant.
I, like many other, experienced HG. Experienced the heartbreaking choice; your life or your baby's. A choice that I don't believe anyone can ever find peace in, especially because there was always an opportunity to prevent tragedy in these cases.
why this incessant need for medical professionals to claim it does not exist? they must be men, or woman who have sailed though pregnancy or felt the odd bit of nausea They can't be like us, they can't of ever lived to fear for their own lives in a situation which is supposed to be so beautiful.
It's like a nightmare descending, your screaming back without a voice ' but this isn't how it should be surely, this isn't right' and the pat on the knee, the condescending 'it's just a little bit of morning sickness silly girl' is all that greets your pain.
I'm 29 this weekend & I'd be giving birth next month if it wasn't for HG and no help. I was 10 weeks when I visited a consultant and begged them to help me for the 4th time. I didn't beg for an abortion I begged for help. I was offered abortion or cyclazine (the same drug I had been taking for the last 6 weeks) - devastating.
To wake up on the then redundant operating table, laying in pools of your own blood and that of your unborn child's is more than I could then and can still comprehend. The emptiness is deafening, the feeling of failure overwhelming. And not a kind word in sight from the people responsible for prevention, treatment and care.
How does one even begin to see the light? How do you repair yourself? I feel covered raw exposed infected skin all over whenever pregnancy or anything related enters my world. I feel like I've been struck dumb.
There was an article in the paper this morning, the London free paper called the Metro. The article focused on a woman in her early 30's who has a 5 year old girl to care for whilst she was pregnant (with HG). Doctors were adamant she was 'hamming it up'. 9 weeks into the pregnancy, fearing her elder daughter was suffering as she wasn't even able to gather the strength to feed her some days, and fearing for her life, she asked for an abortion. This made the news, I have to assume because we are under this great disillusion that this doesn't happen to you and me. But it does. And we're slapped i the face with a refusal to even acknowledge it's existence.
I fear that I will never have a child because I will never be taken seriously. Really? Is begging, denial, refusal of any hep bar the 'cyclazine' and 'rest' the only hope? If it is, it seems masochistic to even attempt to try for a baby...ever : (
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference... x