It sucks so much

[teddi]

My husband's cousin was so happy to be pregnant. She's married, 27, and they'd been trying for a while. They finally got pregnant after fertility treatments- with twins. We found out right at Easter they were both boys. And then she had problems, dilating and effacing. They couldn't do a cerclage, because one of the bags was so low, they were concerned they'd rupture it. She's been on total bed rest and in the hospital, but just after Mother's day they couldn't stop it and one of her boys was born @ close to 22 wks, and lived an hour. She lost the other one on Thursday.

I feel so terribly for them and the entire family. There are no services planned. I don't even know what to do to try to help. I don't know if reaching out to them would hurt more than it would help (we're the ones with living twins).

[Corrine]

Reaching out never hurts more

[OlisMommy]

Reaching out never hurts more

do you mean it couldnt do anymore damage? like there is nothing left to lose so go for it? i kind of want to put it in my mental bank and dont quite understand the response.

[Corrine]

Reaching out never hurts more than not doing anything. Hiding away and avoiding people who have had a loss because you are afraid that you might do or say the wrong thing is never better than reaching out to them. People need to know that their loss has affected you, that it matters. Saying and doing nothing just makes them feel that their loss is being forgotten (despite the fact that you may be thinking of them all the time). If they truly don't want your help, let them tell you, don't assume.

I had a close relative that said and did nothing after my daughter died. I've heard through others that she was just too uncomfortable to say anything or offer any help. I am having trouble getting over this and I have to say that I really am holding it against her.

Hope this clears it up. I didn't have a lot of time yesterday for typing a response.

[E-Mom]

How sad. I say reach out. They're surely in terrible pain, but I think it would be worse to be in terrible pain and lonely because people were afraid to reach out.

My friends all bring meals when there is a celebration or a tragedy. It's a really sweet tradition that connects us in good times and in bad.