In need of support.....

[samarpana]

Hello Hyperemesis Sisters.....

I had a bit of a digression in my healing process a few days ago. I've been on a rapid healing path after my traumatic abortion due to severe hyperemesis (a horror story of it's own, which I've already posted elsewhere). Anyhow, I finally got to a place where I'd been feeling at peace with everything, getting my physical equilibrium back and functioning at a high level mentally. However, on Monday, I got an update from another woman I know. She is in the same profession as me and got pregnant just two months before me. She has been having a spectacularly perfect and easy pregnancy. No sickness or anything. At the times when I was laying around, unable to work anymore, and feeling like I dying and starving to death, this woman was working, exersizing, eating normal meals and riding the bike trails. At 5 months pregnant, she was happily hiking up a steep mountain trail with friends! Now she's setting up her baby's room, picking out baby clothes & things and planning for her baby shower. Says she's never felt better in her life and loving every moment of the pregnancy.

On one level, I am happy for her good health and blessings. On another level, this news has plunged me into a deep saddness again. It just rips my heart out. Why? Because it makes me feel like a freak. All I wanted to do was manifest this one, "normal" life experience that other people get to enjoy and my body completely failed at it. I know it isn't right to feel badly about another person's happiness, and that is not how I want to operate in my life. But I can't help it. This news has magnified for me the intensity of my loss. I'm feeling better today, but needing some advice on how to pull myself out of this funk. Because I'm sure it can happen again. Everywhere you look, there can be found similar examples of this. And I need to find practical ways to deal with it, because I have a lot of childless years ahead of me.......

[jarezuny]

I don't have any real advice on how to get through it right now, but I can totally sympathize with the feelings... It's not fair at all. And I can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now. I think coming here to talk about your feelings is one great way to start to deal with it all when you feel absolutely awful. The women here understand.

The losses get a bit easier with time. But it takes a lot of time - it did for me, anyways. I still can't talk about it much. It doesn't even feel real sometimes.

Other women on here will have some wonderful suggestions, I'm sure. Like finding a way to remember your own little ones, perhaps.

Big hugs to you. I'm sorry it's so hard right now.

[E-Mom]

I know just how you feel.

My sister and I got pregnant at the same time (Happy New Years!) and I had a miscarriage and she went on to have my neice, Sarah. The first time I saw her wearing maternity clothes, I was a wreck. Everything about my sister's pregnancy and my neice's birth was hard for me. On one hand, it's lovely, on the other, you feel so sorry for yourself.

It's not fair and it's sad.

[samarpana]

When's the movie coming out and how do I get a copy?

[E-Mom]

I don't know, but believe me, you'll know about it if you log on here.

Rick's girlfriend had two HG pregnancies and he wants to help the HG world by spreading the news. I nominate him for most supportive HG SO. I think his goal is for this documentary to be shared with families suffering from HG so they know what to expect or can hear some experiences. I wish I had practiced more and put on lipstick!

[teddysmom]

Oh Samarpama, I've read your posts...I feel for you...I was in a similar situation 2 years ago...and it took me over a year to fully heal from it...I'm so much better now due to a divorce...but I understand how your emotions are up and down. After my TA I would go anywhere and see happily pregnant women everywhere....I swear EVERYONE was pregnant too...and it just confused me how something that's supposed to be so natural for a woman can be completely tragic and miserable. still don't understand.

You are actually doing much better than I was after....in such a short time. I'm glad for you on that.

Know you are not alone and have this place to safely vent.

Tara

[E-Mom]

I'm sorry I wrote, "I know just how you feel". I really meant, I was in a very similar situation. It really hit me as a cracker when I read it.

I did go on to have children and when I re-read you were expecting many childless years ahead of you, I felt bad addressing a small part of your post.

I wish you peace as you heal.

[victoriaszen]

HG is a monster. I completely understand why you would have sunk back into despair. I don't have much advice, except to say that you should be gentle with yourself, kind, loving, and most of all forgiving. Imagine if you were a friend to yourself. You would tell your friend that it's ok what you are feeling. That you don't have to be less happy for your friend because you are sad and sorry for yourself. Or, if you don't want to be happy for your friend at all...then don't be. In my oppinion, there's nothing wrong with setting boundries and avoiding situations that are harmful to your emotional well being. I avoided a friend who got pregnant shortly after my miscarriage and 7 weeks of utter complete hell w/ HG. I avoided her pretty much her entire pregnancy. And it was only after I had come to a good place in my healing that I finally went to see the baby after he was born. Fortunately, this friend never judged me, but if she had, then we wouldn't still be friends.

Surround yourself with people who you trust, who love and accept you. Turn to them in the times of despair and saddness. You will need shoulders to lean on. I don't know how long it will take for the grief to get easier to bear, but I know that with time it will get better. But along the way there will be bumps and holes that you will fall into, so build your support so that you can learn to care for yourself in those times.

{{{hugs}}} and more {{{hugs}}}
~Victoria