Well, I'm officially here :-(

[Natalie]

Hi All

Went for my 2nd scan today and I have officially had a missed miscarriage. It looks like the 'baby' died around 5 weeks but there was never any baby. Just the gestational sac. Not even a yolk sac.

Not really sure what I get upset over becasue there was nothing really there in the first place - v. bizarre. Honestly though, I feel like I have got over the shock and am feeling pretty ok under the circumstances. Both dh and I feel that we want to move on and get ttc again asap. Mainly because ultimately, what we really want is another child and a sibling for Beth.

I have to go back again next Wednesday for another re-scan so they can work out what to do with me - leave me to try and miscarry naturally or give me a D & C. So far, I have absolutely no signs at all of a mc - no pain, no spotting and certainly no bleeding so I'm still stuck in limbo-land

Oh well, onwards and upwards. Thank you all so much for being so supportive.

Speak soon

Love Natalie, x

[IslandDreamer]

No no no no no. Oh ((Natalie)). I'm so sorry. Oh no.

Please remember that however you feel is how you. If you feel okay, that's okay. If you are heartbroken, that's okay too. Regardless of how young the baby was, you are allowed to grieve however you need, or not at all. There is such a range of emotional responses for women who miscarry. Allow yourself whatever you need.

Physically, I had a natural miscarriage three times and really was glad. With Hope, I miscarried at 12 weeks, so I did labor and the works...blah. But still glad I did it that way as I got to see her. With Lily I had a long clotty period. With Jonathan, I didn't know I mced until I saw the gestational sac and all...so I was about 6 weeks without knowing I was pg. That was the easiest of the physical experiences as it felt like a normal period.

At this stage of pregnancy, there are three options: natural, which means waiting...on average it's about 2-3 weeks for the body to realize what happened and possibly lots and lots of bleeding while at home; d&c, which usually ends the physical process fairly quickly but comes with some risks of complications such as repeat surgery or infection; and some doctors might consider inducement with something like methotrexate where you will have an induced natural mc. All of these methods do have benefits and risks.

Be sure the doctor discusses all your options with you and do not feel like you have to do any of them. My doctor scheduled me for surgery three times when I wanted to go natural...now that was annoying to say the least. This is your body and your baby...do as YOU need.

I've got lots of resources, so I can pass them along to you at your request. Please don't hesitate. I would also like to add your little one to the memorial thread, if that is something you want.

I'm so very sorry Natalie.

Love,
Suzanne

[Gail]

Natalie - I'm so sorry to see here in this folder. Having a m/c in hard, but you seem to be handling it so well I was a little surprised to see that the Dr's are waiting so long to decide what to do with you. Do you want to try and m/c naturally? I would imagine it must be so hard to keep having so many scans and seeing what isn't there anymore. When I m/c'ed, I didn't know. They found it on a routine scan. It was hard to see, and then to have to have another scan the next day to confirm it was almost like torture for me. My Dr. suggested doing the d&c that day and I agreed. I just wanted it all to be over and @ 14 wks they were hesitant for me to go naturally at home, as they thought I could bleed to much. I don't know if it was for the best, but I felt comfortable w/ the decision. I wish I had some good advice for you, but this is such a personal thing, so don't let the Dr's push you into waiting if you don't want to or vice versa. Just know that you will be in my thoughts over this next week.

[Natalie]

Hi Guys

Thank you for your replies.

Well what I really want is for the 'baby' to come out naturally but I have absolutely no signs or symptoms of anything wanting to come out at all. In fact, over here on the NHS they wouldn't have scanned me for not really having many pg symptoms or loss of symtoms at 6 weeks (you have to have pain or bleeding) so it's lucky in a way that I have been pg before because as soon as I wasn't sick, I scheduled a scan as I knew something was wrong. If it was my first pg, I could have gone on until I started bleeding or got referred at 12 weeks by my midwife so I'm glad we spent he money and found out straight away.

I'm quite concerned about the pain of miscarrying. I've heard it really hurts with bad cramps and backache.

Also, I'm working and I don't want it to happen while I'm at work. I didn't tell my boss I was pg in the first place as she is so non-parent friendly. Also, I want her to put be on another contract when my current one runs out at the end of June and if she knew we were ttc she wouldn't. That would mean I wouldn't get paid sick pay next time around. She had HG herself, ironically enough so I don't want her to know what's going on with regards to me. So from that point of view, I would rather take a week off annual leave and have a D & C. Dh & I are going to have a re-think after next Weds if I still haven't had the mc.

In the meantime, I am sitting and waiting and wondering how long it is going to take...

Natalie, x

P.S. Suzanne: forgot to say I would like my lo's dates added - the EDD was 31/10/05. I'll give you the 'loss' date idc. Suzanne, you really are an absolute gem. Remember that.

[IslandDreamer]

((Natalie))

Pain...ya, that's true. With the earlier losses, it doesn't hurt as much, or so I have heard/remember. Since I did such a giant denial trip with my first and third child, I can't recall many details.

I know several women who had 5/6 week losses recently who you could talk with. I think the level of pain, back ache, blood depends a lot on how "much" the placenta has attached, etc. Like Gail said, at 14 weeks they were afraid she'd bleed too much at home. I know a woman who was induced at 15 weeks. Methotrexate is used to provoke the uterine lining to "expel" thus the baby is born. (I still argue we give birth, even if too early and to little tiny babies.)

Here's some stuff to do while you wait: have motrin on hand. Even though I went into full labor, Motrin managed it well. Wear a pad (can't believe a neighbor had to tell me that one and the doc never said a thing...loss is a bit like HG in the lack of knowledge in the typical practice). Consider what you might want to do with the baby if you are able to see the sac. I had Hope cremated and flushed the other two. (Sorry if TMI.)

The waiting sucks, but in a way it helped me to give some closure by giving me time to say goodbye.

I'll message you a rough draft of a pamphlet/booklet I'm working on. Okay? Gives some information on natural loss.

Thank you for the kind words to me at such a difficult time for you.

Suzanne

[nomore]

Natalie,

Im so sorry for your loss. I was really hoping that somehow things would change since last week for you.

I just wanted to chime in a bit. I had a D & C at 8 weeks 1 day and it was painful. They gave me valuim, but it was truly a horrific expiernce. A close friend of mine had a miscarrige right around 5 to 6 weeks and also had a D & C. They didnt give her the option either. She disnt report it was easy and they also gave her valium.

I dont know what the right answer is. I understand your reservations about when it could happen naturally, but a D & C isnt easy either

Big Hugs....

Robin

[rachy]

I'm so sorry Natalie. I wish it could have been different for you.
It's not much fun is it. So good that you can discuss it straight away with people who understand though.
I was induced and that did mean having contractions (but that was a lot later and I was already showing, so it would have been more painful) and then went under for the DandC. At least when you wake up it's all over. You get a little bit of pain for about 3 days after but it's not too bad (compared to what you would have gone through with Beth!)
Praying for you and thinking of you,
Love Rach

[Marie]

Natalie,

So sorry for your loss.

Sending HUGS and lots of love your way,
Marie

[HGx3]

Oh my, I am so sorry!!!!!!! I know that this hurts, but I wish you the best of luck in ttc again!!!!!!

[PamelaRose]

I'm so sorry, Natalie. I had a missed miscarriage, too--the baby had died around 6 weeks, and I didn't miscarry until 12 weeks. It took until 10 weeks for me to start spotting, and another 2 weeks to start bleeding after that. I miscarried naturally, and it took a month and a couple ER visits but was more emotionally than physically draining. I hope all is well and your body is healing; my thoughts are with you.

[teddi]

Natalie,

I'm so sorry for you.
I'll be keeping you in my prayers too.

[Vicki]

Natalie,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that I am thinking of you and I hope that when you are ready to ttc that all is well for you.

With Love and Hugs,

Vicki

[3kids]

Oh Natalie,

I was so hoping this would not happen to you. I can't stand the thought of other women going through this, it is so cruel and unfair.

Regarding my physical experiences, #1 was like a very, very heavy period with heavy clotting. I spotted for a few days but the actual m/c was over in a couple of hours, retrospectively there was not much pain (in comparison). With #2 as it was later, it was like a labour and very painful and traumatic. I remember contraction feeling/waves and had a lot of bleeding and larger clots and did pass the baby/sac. He/she is buried under a remembrance tree we planted (sorry if that sounds "off"). I spotted between a week or two and the passing was over I think 4 or 5 hours. With Ella, I had complications as I was also taking heparin injections as a preventative measure for a previous DVT when pregnant with Jack. Again, it started with spotting for a few days and I woke up one morning to red flow and knew that was it. Things happened very quickly, I lost a lot of blood and it was the most painful of the 3 and the size of what I was passing was larger. It was our wedding anniversary and we were on holiday in Scotland. Luckily there was a maternity hospital very close so we went there and they scheduled a D&C that morning because I was haemorraging.

I have to say my D&C experience, which also caused me lots of funny, mixed, upsetting feelings, was extremely "easy". I didn't have any pain afterwards, I didn't even really bleed, just spotting for 2 days I think and that was that. Because of that I just felt so empty that it could all be over so suddenly and "easily" and it was like flicking of a switch. One minute pg, not the next. With the others, there was some form of still being connected in a way as the physical process was longer. On the other hand it was hard to see the reminders all the time. The first I think the bleeding was only a few days after the m/c. The second was harder as it continued for a long time (weeks) and it was not complete, but I managed to avoid the D&C as it was almost over (showed by a scan that I wasn't offered routinely and had to ask for ).

I hope what I have written hasn't upset you further. It is hard to know what to do. I couldn't really say one way is better than the other. Certainly physically the D&C did it's job , but in a strange way I am also grateful I managed to naturally pass the others.

I hope you can decide what is best for you. Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((((((((Natalie))))))))))))

[meg]

Natalie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your husband. I hope that when you are ready to ttc again it goes smoothly once again.

Best thoughts,

[Natalie]

Hi again everyone

Well, dh and I came to a decision yesterday that if the mc hasn't happened by next Weds. (the re-scan day), I'm going to go for the D & C.

I feel happy with this decision because by then I'll have had 2 weeks and 1 day of knowing that the 'baby' is not there plus the week or so before that when I knew something wasn't right because I wasn't sick and was already preparing myself for the worst. So that makes 3 weeks of saying goodbye - which is plenty enough for me.

I want to move on already so having to wait a week still is kind of annoying.

Ah well. This lo just wasn't meant to be.

Love Natalie, x