For those who have terminated due to hg . . .
I am very sadenned for you by your stories, and want you to know that I understand and sympathize with the position you were in. When you don't know what is happening to you, when you receive inadequate medical care, and when you find yourself in the position where you are fearing for your life - those are teriffying places to be in. Your fear at the time and your continued fear at the trauma that you have been through and the decisions you felt you had to make given the information and care you had at the time - this is not what is supposed to happen to us, but it does.
At the beginning of this year I experiences a traumatic hg pregnancy, inadequate medical care and considered termination. Now, I am struggling with the loss of my baby, Casey Lee.
So I am still trying to find my way out of this hell and into the light, but here is what I have found to help myself so far.
Name, love, honor and cherish your baby. Despite what you make think about yourself and the decisions you may have made, you have a right to mourn this loss as it is your child. Have a memorial service to help recognize the passing of your baby and invite those that are important to you (your partners, your parents).
I am a Christian, and I believe that our babies are in heaven being cared for by God and other loved ones from our family's that have passed. God is taking care of your children and letting them know that they are loved and they are part of a family.
Find a way to remember your child - plant a garden, plant a tree, become a "godmother" or "aunt" to a child who needs a little extra love, care and attention. Do something to become a part of a positive, creative energy in the world and in your life to help negate the tragic sense of loss you rightly feel.
Get good, compassionate counseling. Someone who is nonjudgemental but not a part of your everyday life. Be sure to take with them information from this site about hg, its health affects and the stories of others that you can identify with so that your counselor has a better starting point.
Set mini-goals for yourself. Simple, easy goals like taking vitamins everyday (this will help with the physical effects of hg), eating a vegetable, taking a walk, etc.
See your general practioner as you may need to take anti-depressants for a period of time to help you. It is important to understand that your body suffered a lot phsycially and that included the loss of important vitamins and nutrients which can in fact cause depression. As you restore the health of your body, you may need medication for a short time period.
Learn to understand what you are thinking and feeling so that you can ask those around you for help in ways that they can understand. People usually care and want to help, but out of fear of making things worse for you they will do and say nothing becuase they simply don't know what to do or say.
Contact Suzanne and ask her to add your babies to the dates list and receive support fromt he support team. She also has some great resources listed that will help you.
Most importantly, understand this: You had a disease. A horrible disease that racked your body and your mind. It had tremendous impact on you and with your inadequate medical care, it left you in a position that few people can comprehend. Many of the women on this forum have been where you have been and have come to understand that this is a cruel disease which affects us both physically and mentally. While you were pregnant, you had a disease. This is not your fault, you are not to blame - you are to be cared for and helped and cherished as you struggle with the fact that you have had this disease and what it has done to your life. God bless you.
We are here for you. And you are in my prayers.
These articles can be helpful, but they are also emotional so read them only if you can and stop reading if you find you can't. They say miscarriage in the title but are appropriate for the loss, whatever the reason, of any wanted and loved baby I feel:
http://www.farfilm.com/peggy/articles/m ... rriage.htm
These resources can help our loved ones help us:
http://www.justmommies.com/pregnancy/fr ... iage.shtml