Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support and Research Forums

by **Kadinga** » Jun 20, 2005 12:18 am

Hmmm, I know this is a touchy subject, and I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t want to upset anyone so if this is considered inappropriate, please say so and IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ll delete it. I just really need a vent and I thought IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢d have a reasonably good chance of being understood here.

Just to clarify, my political standpoint is passionately pro-choice, especially in regards to motherhood because itÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s hard enough without people telling you to do things according to their rules rather than your own. I truly believe that weÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢re all doing the best that we can based on our knowledge of our children, our families, our circumstances and ourselves.

*********

DH and I went out on Saturday night. It was a group booking for a theatre restaurant charity performance in a town a little over an hourÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s drive from here. The group concerned was the Army Reserve Corp (you know the deal, ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œone weekend a monthÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¦ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â

by **bibliojo** » Jun 20, 2005 12:47 am

Oh don't get me started on this one! :roll:

Why is that many people cannot accept one's own decision to stay home with their children? Because a woman is a stay at home mom does not make her any less intelligent or ambitious than a mom who has a career. And I might add too, a mother who has a career loves her children no less than the mother that stays home with them. Each woman has decided to do what is best for her and her family.

Here's my little vent on this topic....I've always felt a lot of pressure from my co-workers to return back to my old job (the job that I am currently in is a newer job; same field but less hours, more flexibility) and especially so in the past couple weeks with my old job being posted once again (I am reluctantly going to apply for it.) But I had a co-worker say to me when I said I was not going to consider working full time, "Luke's old enough for daycare. Why can't you put him in daycare?" :evil:

Well, maybe I want to be the one to raise my son and enjoy him - especially after all that I've suffered for him. Luke and I didn't get off on the best foot considering the HG and the PPD but now I am absolutely loving the fun times we have together. I hate to miss any of it.

Okay I've going to end my rant there...don't want to get too carried away. But yes, I understand Amanda. Some people are so insensitive to the choices we have to make as mothers for our children and ourselves.

Joanna

by **Kadinga** » Jun 20, 2005 12:56 am

Thanks Joanna,

It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

Amanda

by **mandy** » Jun 20, 2005 3:10 am

Hi Amanda,

Sorry you had a night like that. I have been a stay-at-home mum for nearly 6 years. I used to work in child care and felt just the same as you - why would I spend my days looking after other peoples' children now I have one of my own ........ and then two. I have made no judgements on friends who have returned to work full or part time. There is no right answer, I don't think, as we all have different needs etc.

I am fed up with being judged myself too, though. One group of people will applaud me for being selfless (although it is a selfish act - I want to be with my kids), whilst others think I must be brain dead or something. But, do you know what? I have the happiest, most confident, polite children who have just slipped into school/nursery with no problems. So now who can tell me that I should have gone back to work? I have just one precious year left before my youngest enters school full time and then will be my time again to choose what I want to do. Still, though, my job will fit completely around my children. I have chosen to put my career second (and luckily can afford to do this financially) and I resent being judged for it.

You and your dh and daughter sound very happy and fullfilled. Do you think he and his wife are? Methinks maybe not :wink:

!

Mandy x

by **dwtegli** » Jun 20, 2005 12:46 pm

What a puke as my mother would say (personally I would say something else but that is not appropriate on this board). I am one of those women who could not wait to go back to work after my kids were born. I love my kids more than life itself, but there is no way I can spend all day every day with them. I can't even stand to be home by myself for more than one day without going crazy. HG for me was made even worse in that I hate to be at home. DOn't get me wrong, I love my home, I just love to be out and about.

That being said, I have a tremendous amount of respect for those of you who can and do stay home with your kids. Even if we could afford for me to stay home (which we in no way can) I could never do it. I think that man's wife needs to leave him alone for a full day with a minimum of one infant, preferably maybe a toddler thrown in for good measure, and see if he can handle it without going crazy.

by **Kadinga** » Jun 21, 2005 12:33 am

Mandy and Wendy,

It is so refreshing to know that women really can come from opposite sides of the work fence and still be respectful of each other's choices! It does my heart good to know that I'm raising a daughter in a world that is hopefully moving towards supporting women regardless of what their choices might be. I really don't believe that there is such a thing as one universally right answer, unless it is to respect the right to choose.

Thankyou again for your thoughts on this issue.

Amanda

by **caty** » Jun 21, 2005 4:02 pm

SOP is a very nice way of naming him! How inconsiderate would that be of you to abandon your child AND SIL like that? It is one thing if you've planned it, etc...but "the sitter isn't likely to leave your kids..." ?!?!?!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!! Isn't that neglect or something?! Okay, I'll leave it at that!

by **HelenA** » Jun 22, 2005 8:05 am

OMG!!! I can't believe he said those things!! Does he not care about anyone but himself? I also have a good education but have decided to be a SAHM. I worked as a nanny for 6 years (although I was working with the elderly when I found out I was pg), and swore that I would not do the same for my child when I had one. I do not have a problem for mothers who wish to return to work asap, that is their choice, but this is my decision. I have had people ask me why I don't go into childminding so I can use my qualifications and still have my child with me, but I just don't want to, I want to spend every moment I can with DD while she is young. I know some mothers love their jobs and others have no choice but to work for financial reasons, but we decided that I would stay at home. Why is this so hard for people to understand?

by **Kadinga** » Jun 23, 2005 5:27 am

Caty, if it's not legally neglect or abandonment to just trust your sitter to stay as long as you please, it should be! It was bad enough being told that once, but to have other people come up and say it to me as well :shock:

.

Hellon, I know exactly what you mean! I did a lot of childcare work when I was studying and it broke my heart the days I had to tell mothers things that I knew they'd rather have been there for. I'm pretty selfish, really. :wink:

It's such a beautiful stage of her life that I don't want to share with anyone else! :lol:

Amanda

by **Kariinbliss** » Jun 28, 2005 12:10 am

Amanda, you were very generous in calling that "man" a SOP. He was just looking for your DH to be his drinking buddy and you were making that less likely to happen. Men can be... ummmm.... jerky (?) in that situation.

Your decision to stay home with your child is what is best for YOU. This... ummmm... GUY has no right to question a decision that was made by you and your dh. Just because it isn't the decision he might make, doesn't make it less valid, or you less intelligent. I am kind of in the same boat, I started teaching preschool right after I graduated from high school. Years of college later, I chose NOT to return to work until both of my children were older and in school, and then just part time so they wouldn't have to go to daycare. Even though they are 13 and 10 now, I still work at their school (I'm a special ed. aide now) and refuse to get a second job during the summer. My thought process is that I made the choice to have these children, I will raise them myself. Sure we could use the extra money, but it doesn't make sense for me to work to pay someone else to watch the kids, and I am NOT leaving them alone all day. There isn't a thing I've missed out on, and wouldn't trade it for the world. Having the job I have is the best blessing ever... I know my kids friends, have the same days off, same hours... it is amazing. :-)

Doing what we feel in our hearts is right is one of the best gifts we can give our children. Keep up the good work, ladies! :-)

by **Kadinga** » Jun 29, 2005 4:44 am

I have to tell you all the gossip!

It turns out that when the other people all went on to the bar (as mentioned in the original post) the SOP took himself to the point of being unsociably drunk and was "all hands". I haven't been told if his wife was the recipient of this, but it was implied that he bestowed his attention on other women, even though his wife was there. :roll:

So his WIFE kneed him in the groin in front of everyone. :shock:

Is it rude or vindictive of me to find this so amusing????????? I'm sure it's uncharitable, but I wonder if I could be excused from blame just this once?

Amanda

by **mandy** » Jun 29, 2005 5:00 am

Mandy x

by **helen-l-a** » Jun 29, 2005 5:14 am

What a utterly ignorant, patronizing and rude man!!! Good for you holding your own like that. But what a PIG! How dare he just presume you are some insignificant home maker (not that I have anything against that either.. I happen to be a home-maker with a law degree on hold right now, but even if I did not have a law degree on hold there is still nothing wrong with being a full time mum, I was too, prior to my Law degree episode).

I think you should avoid them like the plague! Unfortunately there are a few of that sort around!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr what else can I say? and how rude of them to suggest you just don't go home! Make sure you never offer to babysit for them that is all I can say! :twisted:

you may find they just don't turn up!

I hope I haven't repeated anyone elses post on this one, as I was so insensed that I just immediately had to reply.

Helenxxx

but feeling very :twisted:

at this thread!

by **Kadinga** » Jun 29, 2005 5:37 am

Helen,

I, too, was very :twisted:

when I started this thead. However, now that I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, I feel so much better. Also, knowing that my DH understands my feelings and isn't going to try to push me into a closer friendship with the SOP, and now knowing that the SOP has shown his true colours for all to see, and that his wife was so blunt in her expression of her opinions about his behaviour (did I mention that he hitched a ride to the bar without actually finding her to say goodbye or would you like to come with us? :roll:

) I'm really seeing it from a much less wound up perspective.

So venting really does work!

I kind of feel sorry for Sabrina, who started a vent thread about families when I was in the middle of this rage. I really raved about insensitive people on her thread. :oops:

Mandy,

I'm so glad to not be the only one who wants to laugh in the face of the SOP's agony.

Amanda

by **helen-l-a** » Jun 29, 2005 8:31 am

Amanda I didn't see the knee jerk post.... no, I don't believe you are being in least bit vindictive..... I think I would have clapped her if I had been there to see! :lol:

Helenxxx

by **bibliojo** » Jun 29, 2005 10:46 am

Okay, so I had quite the big chuckle about the knee in the groin kick too! :lol:

That is just too funny!

Joanna

by **Kariinbliss** » Jun 29, 2005 4:50 pm

Not only would I have laughed hysterically, I would have high-fived the wife. And asked to take her out to lunch when that was an option for me again... LOL!! She sounds like a pretty ok person.

:-)