How many is too many?

[cutiels1125]

I am a 26 yr old mother of one toddler boy who just turned 3 this past weekend. I have had 3 pregnancies in totaled and only survived one out of the three. The other two were really bad HG pregnancies in which I had to abort. I always read and read about people who post there losses here on this forum and I know how hard is it to deal with having to make the decision of aborting the life of a very wanted child. I'm very afraid to become pregnant but my husband wants more children so he keep me positive thinking that maybe it wont be so bad the next time around. My question is this, how many is to many abortions? I know I shouldn't be thinking this way because I should just stay positive but I want another child and I want to try to get pregnant but what if its to horrible the HG and I cant continue with the pg? Like I said I've already had two other abortions before and I'm scared to death of getting terribly sick especially because I have a 3 year old and no family close to me that can help me. What is the advise that anyone would give me!

[AnneCan]

Well, you're in a tough situation emotionally and mentally...but I think that the decision is up to you and your DH. I'm sure your doctor can tell you if you're physically capable to carrying another baby (which I don't see why you couldn't), but there's a lot that goes into planning for an HG pregnancy, including finances, childcare, your care/protocols, etc. You might start by checking out some reasources under the "mother" section of this site. Like this link on preparation for HG:
http://www.helpher.org/mothers/get-going/prepare-for-hg.php

If you don't have an extremely HG-aware/proactive doctor, and you live in the US, you can try the referral network: http://www.helpher.org/mothers/referral-network/index.php OR If you're outside the US, you can use the forums on preparing/finding doc's too.

I'd plan out your protocols in a lot of detail, with contingency plans (like "If A happens, then B, if B happens, then C, etc.), and see your doctor to discuss it/get meds before you start trying to get pregnant.

Good luck, and we're here if you have questions!!

[beyondthepale]

AnneCan is totally right. With a bunch of help from the awesome ladies on this site, I've put together a very detailed protocol in order of the possible scenarios. I'd be happy to show you what I put together, I used some of what the ladies have used and have added things that are important to me. I also have written out my wishes. So for example, treat HG with home health care as much as possible, don't hesitate to use PICC to get fluids in, etc. I also made a point in a separate line to talk about not terminating and not even mentioning it. With my first pregnancy, I had no idea what HG was and my doctors were totally unaware and so the treatment was so bad that the HG got so severe that they recommended, and we accepted, a medical termination. No one here is going to judge you in terms of how many abortions should a person have, but I have written out how painful the decision was and how much I regret not being better prepared so I'm going into it with the mentality of "plan for the worst, hope for the best" and that's all you can do. You just have to be in a mental mindset for it. As for the physical, if it gets to the point where it is causing major medical issues, that's different, but for me, I really believe it's just a mindset. You have to think about what made those previous pregnancies so bad that you terminated. If you get to the root of those, then you can put together a protocol for a plan. I also included contact information on my protocol. Basically, I'm thinking of it as my voice in case the HG hits hard like it did last time.

[phaerelastra]

Every HG pregnancy is different and I learned a lot in my pregnancies going from beginning to end. I was in a dark place with HG early on, because I felt like I couldn't go through so many more months. I seriously considered an abortion because I couldn't handle it. I don't know when I turned a corner and accepted that HG was going to take away the fluffy pg I imagined, but it got better at some point. I hope that you hold on to how joyous it was to finally see your now three year old, and maybe that can get you through the dark times. My 1st pg wasn't really so bad, and my 2nd was bad in my opinion, but far easier than many ladies on here. I wish you lots of luck to get through what ever it is you have to do. No one here would make you feel bad about it, whether you join in HG or need to make a tough choice.

[Cin]

Plan, plan, plan -- and find a really good doc who approves every step of the plain before you get pg.

And then stick around here when you get the positive.

You can do it -- we've had members amaze us with successful pgcies after many teminations and very risky HG pgies.

P.S. We do not judge here, and we support your decisions. Big hugs.