Effects of HG postpartum

[Babyshoe]

I'm back. I want to support all the ladies here, but I'm so busy with a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I don't know how to find any extra time and don't know how mom's of 3 or more do it!

Post HG from this pregnancy is very different from my HG last. Things loom over me even though I try to overcome them orkeep them away. For 9 months, I was on TPN through my PICC line. I lost almost a year with my 3 year old. I had a PICC infection in my last month and such bad amemia at birth that I was 2 points away from a blood transfusion.

How can I get past this? I'm so thankful for the beautiful and perfect daughter that was a product of this trama, as well as my first born from moderate HG. However, I feel so many mixed emotions.

The guilt of having little to no bonding with my older child breaks my heart. We were so unbelivebly close. Now, she's almost a stranger to me in some of her behaviors. My mom and husband did a great job keeping her happy when I was sick, but didn't raise her the way I would have. Now I'm trying to provide her with limits, structure, and fun. I find myself questioning if her "new" behaviors are due to just turning 3 or if they are from the transition of "losing" her gradmother as caretaker and getting mommy back. I've over extended myselft between the holidays and her birthday to try to make up for lost time and for the guilt.

My baby is perfect! She has a great temperment and is huge! She loves to eat and I've been fighting to provide her sensitive tummy with breastmilk. I gave up trying to nurse and have been torturing myself with pumping for the past 3 months. If makes a huge difference in her personality so I pump on, even though I'd like to quit and take the easy road. I have no issues with formula, but my baby's tummy does

I still have triggers. In the mall, I smelled popcorn and heaved all the way home. Certain words trigger memories. My skin around my picc scar still itches since I had a terrible rash under the dressing for months (allergies to the dressings since my body was literally shutting down). I've replaced all of my towels (aka spit rags) and anything else that reminds me of my pregnancy, but it still finds ways of haunting me.

Yet, when others ask how I'm doing, I'm quick to say great! I am great. I am no longer fighting the terrible HG battle and so things feel so good. Just randomly, I feel the terrible effects of the past year. How do I overcome it? I hate to dwell on it and am trying to challenge myself when I feel an HG barrier. When will it stop feeling so fresh and feel like it's in the past. Oddly enough, in other ways it feels so long ago. WTH?

To anyone that just read this novel, thank you and I'm sorry! I just needed to get it off my chest and I know this is the only place I will not be judged and the women will understand. Thank you for listening Xoxo to all of my fellow HGers!

[eliana1300]

Well, I don't have the issues with an older child like you do, but the other stuff is very familiar! Several women here have PPD or PTSD after a second pg more so than the first, or vice versa. Some of those triggers never go away, but they do get better as time moves on. The smell of popcorn may always may you feel ill, but at some point, it won't make you so sick.

I had a lot of mixed emotions when my son was born. I loved him so much, but I felt very little bond with him. We both had some medical issues going on, and those first 5 months are a blur for me because of it all. Because of some of my medical problems, I actually dried up around 6 weeks post-partum, and I had to switch my son to formula. Unfortunately, he got VERY sick (constipated to the point of vomiting) on regular formula, and the pedi recommended we use Similac's Alimentum (Enfamil hypoallergenic formula is Nutramigen). It didn't fix everything, and it was expensive, but it was a HUGE help. After my D&C 4 months PP, my milk came in again just like it did after birth, but by that point my son had been 2 months on formula. Although the Alimentum did help a lot, I wish I had tried Elecare or Neocate with him. Those are the next step up in formulas (much more broken down), and they are only available behind the pharmacy, but you don't need a prescription. They are also EXTREMELY expensive! Pumping is a huge deal, and a huge benefit to your baby. But it doesn't sound like you enjoy it too much. Sorry for all the info on formula if you don't want to move to that. I can understand continuing with what you know works, rather than wasting money to find out something doesn't.

I am very sorry about your relationship with your daughter. It may be different than before your pg, but I am sure it will improve. You were close before, you can be close again. It will take time, I am sure. Other than that, I have very little advice, but lots of HUGS!

[AnneCan]

Sorry that it's still such a struggle after going through a long pregnancy with lots of suffering. BUT congrats on your baby!

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, even though I'm still pregnant with #2. First of all, I too see my daughter changing personalities and habits (she turned 2 two days ago). My DH is doing all her care, and he's doing a good job, but he does things differently than I would. It makes me resent being sick because I am missing out on all these cute times with her, and I get frustrated when I constantly see her eating sweet treats instead of healthy meals,etc. I worry about connecting with her again when baby#2 comes along, and I worry that she won't want to be around me all day, or will be bored of me. That being said, I think some of the changes I see in DD (so far) are just from getting older and more independent. Other changes are resulting from her changed household circumstances. She's adapted to what has been going on. I'm sure your older one will continue to adapt as you all adjust to your new lives. Your 3 year old is probably coming to terms with having a new baby around too, so that adjustment may be a gradual process as everyone settles back into regular life. Your confidence may be shot, but you're still the mommy, and you are totally irreplacable! Either way, it sucks that HG ripped away that time while you were pregnant...I'm angry about it all the time. There's just no way around it...it's unfair and it hurts.

As for triggers, etc....Remember that they say it takes 1-2 months to recover for each sick month. Well, your body is probably still in panic/starvation protection mode. The stress triggers can be addressed with meds/talk therapy, and maybe that could provide you with some relief? Otherwise, it will just take time for things to fade. I know for myself, that some triggers have never gone away and I just cringe every time I think of certain foods. I purged my house of all HG things last time too, and eventually (I'd say after about 7-9 months) the remaining triggers were much more mild and weren't a big deal in my life anymore.

Finally, as for breast feeding...I agree that pumping sucks. I had to do it the first month with DD until she learned to latch, so I can imagine what it's like after 3 months. My DD had a bad time with formulas too. I tried a couple special formulas too, but she still chocked really badly on them (and lots of runs). You could try mixing fresh breast milk with formula to see if that will work to build up a tolerance slowly (start mixing a bit then add more formula over time). You're not too far off from solids, and maybe once baby starts eating cereals and other foods, his/her tummy will settle a bit and you can introduce formula at that point if you and your little one are ready at that point.

Anyways, sorry the transition is so difficult when you just want to move on with your life and be well. It will get better! hugs

[Babyshoe]

I'm sorry that I don't have time to write tonight. I'm so tired nd still need to pump and feed baby before bed, but I just wanted to write back real quick and say thank you to both of you. Your stories and support mean so much to me. Sometimes I feel like a freak from what I went through and continue to go through regarding HG. With my HG sisters, I know I am not alone. I feel so bonded to all of you. It makes me feel like I understand how people that were in war together feel united afterwards.

AnneCan: Best wishes on your pregnancy and I'm so proud of you for your amazing attitude as you are currently suffering with HG! You are a strong woman!

I plan on writing more to both of you later, but wanted to give you all hugs now

[eliana1300]

Don't worry about responding. We know that you are reading and getting what you can out of what we say. Post-partum is tough is many ways, not the least of which is the sleepless nights on top of everything we went through for HG. Take your time and ease into everything again. Don't rush. I did, and it wasn't pretty.

[AnneCan]

Thanks for your well-wishes and kind words.

Agree with Eliana, no need to worry about responding. Post-partum time is so incredibly tiring and busy....good luck with everything and your continued recovery!

[gigidionne]

Let me start by saying Gabriyel is now 15 months old and I had a long 9 months battling hyperemesis. Without the support that I received from this site along with family, friends and co-workers I think I would have committed suicide. Hyperemesis takes you to a deep dark place that I had no idea existed. I thought it would never end between the countless doctors and hospital visits. Then there was the Zofran Pump, having to stick yourself daily with a needle to receive meds and the IV that had to be changed every three days if the vein lasted that long. Sensativity to Light, Smells and Noise was a trigger and existing in a world void of those things is highly impossible. Then there is Ptylism (Hypersalvation) I didn't realize that we had so much fluid in our bodies. Lastly, FOOD the sound of it still makes me feel queasy! Now I have said all of this in hopes that it will help someone who is going through what all of us on the mommy forum is or has gone through. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!! I am blessed with a healthy baby boy who is too busy for his own good, lol. He was the perfect birth weight, all his fingers and toes. I had a lot of fam and friends who worried about him being healthy and as my doctors told me I told them that the baby will get what it needs whether I do or not and then I sent them to this site. Hyperemesis is real and I am happy to have had the support of this site. I never would have made it without God and this forum. FYI Cranberry Juice is all I could drink that is the only thing that allowed me to swallow that nasty taste in my mouth and pizza the entire pregnancy. Hope this helps.

[angielizzy]

I know excacly how you feel about the guilt with your older child. my dd was 3 when i was pregnany with my ds and i felt like i missed out on so much. she was well looked after by her dad and grandma but its not the same as mummy. we read the book' mama has hyperemesis but only for a little while' together and it really helped her to realise hg had gone and was not going to come back now the baby was here. we have a really good relationship now and it soon comes back. It has been a hard time and she still has to cope with a new sister so it is normal to expect new behaviours.
My dd is now 6 and i feel i really didn't miss as much as i could have. for example i could have been pregnant while she was younger and missed out on 1st words and 1st steps or when she was older and missed her starting school.
I still occasionally feel guilty about some things for example she was learning to swim when i got pregnant and there was no one to take her to swimming lessons or even swimming so she lost that skill compleatly by the time we went again but she is learning again and she also has a brother which she would have never had if i hadnt had hg and she benifits alot from that now he is 2and they play together

[niniko]

Thanks for sharing your experience especially with two children . I have 8 months old and I hardly find time to get here

I'm back. I want to support all the ladies here, but I'm so busy with a 3 year old and a 3 month old. I don't know how to find any extra time and don't know how mom's of 3 or more do it!

Post HG from this pregnancy is very different from my HG last. Things loom over me even though I try to overcome them orkeep them away. For 9 months, I was on TPN through my PICC line. I lost almost a year with my 3 year old. I had a PICC infection in my last month and such bad amemia at birth that I was 2 points away from a blood transfusion.

How can I get past this? I'm so thankful for the beautiful and perfect daughter that was a product of this trama, as well as my first born from moderate HG. However, I feel so many mixed emotions.

The guilt of having little to no bonding with my older child breaks my heart. We were so unbelivebly close. Now, she's almost a stranger to me in some of her behaviors. My mom and husband did a great job keeping her happy when I was sick, but didn't raise her the way I would have. Now I'm trying to provide her with limits, structure, and fun. I find myself questioning if her "new" behaviors are due to just turning 3 or if they are from the transition of "losing" her gradmother as caretaker and getting mommy back. I've over extended myselft between the holidays and her birthday to try to make up for lost time and for the guilt.

My baby is perfect! She has a great temperment and is huge! She loves to eat and I've been fighting to provide her sensitive tummy with breastmilk. I gave up trying to nurse and have been torturing myself with pumping for the past 3 months. If makes a huge difference in her personality so I pump on, even though I'd like to quit and take the easy road. I have no issues with formula, but my baby's tummy does

I still have triggers. In the mall, I smelled popcorn and heaved all the way home. Certain words trigger memories. My skin around my picc scar still itches since I had a terrible rash under the dressing for months (allergies to the dressings since my body was literally shutting down). I've replaced all of my towels (aka spit rags) and anything else that reminds me of my pregnancy, but it still finds ways of haunting me.

Yet, when others ask how I'm doing, I'm quick to say great! I am great. I am no longer fighting the terrible HG battle and so things feel so good. Just randomly, I feel the terrible effects of the past year. How do I overcome it? I hate to dwell on it and am trying to challenge myself when I feel an HG barrier. When will it stop feeling so fresh and feel like it's in the past. Oddly enough, in other ways it feels so long ago. WTH?

To anyone that just read this novel, thank you and I'm sorry! I just needed to get it off my chest and I know this is the only place I will not be judged and the women will understand. Thank you for listening Xoxo to all of my fellow HGers!